A Family ‘Found’
The Netflix documentary Found tells the beautiful, powerful, poignant story of three girls — Chloe Lipitz, Sadie Mangelsdorf and Lily Bolka — who discover they are cousins after taking 23andMe DNA tests. The film follows them to China from their respective home states of Arizona, Tennessee and Oklahoma, on their quest to learn more about their adoptions and, hopefully, their birth families.
“I did the DNA test, and then Sadie messaged me through the 23andMe website, but I never really looked at it, and then she messaged me on Instagram. Right after that, I got a message from Amanda,” Bolka says. Amanda Lipitz, the film’s director, is Chloe’s aunt, and an acclaimed filmmaker.
The girls are three of the estimated 150,000 or more Chinese children, almost all girls, who were given up for adoption, many to overseas families, between 1979 and 2015. The statistic is generally considered the result of China’s one-child policy and, in some cases, a desire for sons over daughters.
There is something wondrous about documentary films. Having a window into someone else's life can be so captivating that, for a moment, we might forget that we aren’t a part of everything happening on the screen. We are transported. This story, particularly the deep and unconditional love between Lily and her mother, Debra, is nothing short of magical.
We recently sat down with the pair at their Oklahoma City home, and in true Oklahoma fashion, they made us feel like we were old friends catching up.
Behind Debra’s kind and peaceful demeanor is a woman full of adventure who has lived in Nicaragua, speaks fluent Spanish and has traveled the world. The first part of this particular adventure started when she picked up Lily from the orphanage in China in Huazhou, a city in Guangdong Province, in 2001.
Debra was always open with Lily about her adoption, often telling her, “Lily, you have a family out there that loves you.” It is human nature to wonder about our individual identities, especially during our teenage years — trying to find ourselves and who we are in relation to the world and those around us. Behind that, Lily also wondered about the life she and her cousins left behind in China.
Found follows Lipitz, Mangelsdorf, Bolka and their families across China as they visit the regions the girls are originally from, and examines their lives in the United States. Throughout the film we see Lily and Debra going through this journey together, and at the same time separately. We often think about adoption from the adopted person’s point of view and experience, but this film shows us what real parenting and love looked like.
Debra stands beside her daughter, while allowing her to express herself and grieve. At the same time, it opens the door for conversation between them to understand the impact that adoption has had — not just in their lives, but in Chinese families who had to make a most difficult decision to put their child up for adoption, or face debilitating taxation by the government.
During the quest of finding their relatives, Lily and Debra found so much more: They experienced China with all its colors and flavors, and did all of it while the cameras were rolling. They found new friends during the filming of the documentary, from the genealogist Liu Hao, who worked tirelessly trying to find a genetic match between the girls and potential parents, to film crew, to whom Debra attributes a big part of the film’s success.
Lipitz, Mangelsdorf and Bolka found peace together, mourned together and gained a family. Debra found a deep connection with the girls and their parents. “Every time we get together, it’s like we haven’t been apart,” she says.
During their visit to China, Debra also got the opportunity to say thank you, one more time, to Lily’s nanny. In perhaps the film’s most touching moment, we see the emotion on both sides and the nanny’s joy in knowing that the baby she cared for is now a 20-year-old woman, thriving, with a loving family.
Today Lily and Debra’s relationship is stronger than ever. Lily refers to her mom as her best friend, and they both look forward to the next phase of their lives. Lily will graduate this summer from Oklahoma State University with a degree in accounting, and Debra is looking forward to retirement from her career as a nurse at Oklahoma City’s Children’s Hospital.
Found was released in 2021, and Lily and Debra got to go to the premiere in New York. Its promotional poster was featured in Times Square, like huge feature films that have come before it. The girls have been interviewed, or the film featured, in The New York Times, Newsweek, The Wrap, the Hollywood Reporter and many more. It’s received consistent five-star ratings.